Astray
by Elena Ridgeway
Summary: A Sam and Mal fic of epic proportions (sorry bout reviews...i got confused :)
1. Sunrise

She promised herself that she would not let this go to far. She didn't want to end up like her mother, cold and bitter over a failed relationship. She convinced herself it would just be a date. There wasn't anyone else she could ask that would accept an invitation to the Chinese Opera. Sam was different than most men. She kept telling herself that was a facade he put on every time he courted a potential girlfriend, though Josh told her it wasn't. She wanted him, more than she would admit. But she didn't want to end up like her mother. She wouldn't end up like her mother.

Sam was acting like her father when she arrived to pick him up. He profusely apologized for the extra work he had been loaded with. When he admitted who was responsible, her anger boiled over. She didn't need her father's help to save herself from her mother's fate. She wasn't going to let it go too far. She would go out on this date, just to prove it. It was there when her logic began to fail, as her date ended up being coffee with her father and Sam. Except that Sam was such a perfectionist that he refused to leave until his work was perfect. It was that moment she knew that things would never work out like she wanted them to. She tried to prevent it, by saying he was like her father. He responded like she wanted him to. She left him there in his office to have dessert with her father, and told herself that would be the end of her 'relationship' with Sam Seaborn.

It was one o'clock that night when a knock sounded on her door. She knew who it was going to be, and she knew she shouldn't open it. But she did anyway. It was him, with a bouquet of flowers he had to have bought for their non-date. She accepted them and let him in, though a voice in her head told her she shouldn't. She smiled as he began to stutter out an apology, and swooned as his blue eyes become fixated upon hers. 

"I can't let this happen, Skipper. I planned it out so this wouldn't happen." She forced the words out and tore her eyes away from his, now looking at her trembling fingers. 

He gently lifted her face to his level. "Do you like Steinbeck?" She tried not to be thrown off by the question.

"He's my favorite." She declared reluctantly, as her eyes wandered to his lips.

His mouth formed a smile. "The best laid plans of mice and men do oft go astray." She leaned in and kissed him. The next morning, she woke up beside him.

That night was their beginning. Things moved quickly from that point on, at a rate that both frightened and thrilled her. Sam was everything she had ever wanted in a man. He was sweet and romantic and passionate. He didn't give in when he thought he was right. Sometimes she felt their arguments were the best part of their relationship. It made them honest and open with each other, something her parents never had. Her mother had always let her father's work come first, and he had never thought about the effect it would have on her. Sam knew how her parents divorce hurt her, and always went the extra mile to prove how much she meant to him. The only time he didn't, the one time she should have given in....she couldn't think about it. Not now.

The hardest thing was keeping their relationship hidden. She knew her father wouldn't approve and would find a way to keep Sam away from her. They were careful. Her father and mother knew she had a boyfriend, but thought he had a job that made him travel an exorbitant amount. They were always careful in public, and most nights chose to stay home. Sam didn't tell Josh, for fear he would slip in front of Leo. 

One March night, she and Sam managed to slip out to a fancy restaurant. It was there that he had pulled out a simple silver ring and asked her to move in with him. She was overwhelmed by the gesture, and accepted immediately. He had already worked out a way to tell her father. She was moving in with her boyfriend because she spent most of her time there anyways. She was changing her mailing address to a PO box so they could keep their anonymity. In retrospect, she thinks she should have told someone. But everything was so perfect. She didn't want to think about it ending.

***

She looks back on that day as she sits in the hard plastic chair, twirling the silver ring she wears on her finger. She thinks about everything that has happened in the past week, and how she would give anything to take it back. 

And for the first time since that night, she thought about life without him.


	2. I Should Tell You

He stared at his coffee cup, wondering the best way to say the words. He paused to gaze at Mallory, who was humming a quiet tune as she scrambled the eggs. Her voice had a lovely tone, one that gave him chills. Everything about her gave him chills. He didn't want to tell her. She'd get mad, and he'd get defensive, and they'd fight. He didn't want that. He wanted more chills. He wanted to feel her lips press against his as they frantically attempted to undress each other. He wanted to kneel down and slide a shimmering diamond onto her hand. He wanted to gaze into her eyes and recite two simple words that would unite them in the eyes of God for all eternity. He shook his head as he realized that if they didn't have this fight, they wouldn't have a future. And he wanted that more than anything.

She continued to hum as she served breakfast, subconsciously shaking her hips with the tune. It drove him crazy, and once again he contemplated not telling her. She sat down next to him, and her eyes narrowed immediately.

"Sam, what aren't you telling me?" He wished his face wasn't so readable. 

"Mallory, I can't believe that you would think..." 

"I can't believe you're hiding something from me. So we're even. Now tell me. We're in this together, remember?" She held up the silver ring which they had recently decided symbolized their commitment. He couldn't hide it now.

"I'm meeting Laurie for lunch today."

The surprise showed on her face. "The call girl?"

"She graduated from law school, and I want to celebrate."

"Tell me again how you celebrate with a call girl."

"Don't do this, Mal," he begged. Her Irish temper was flaring to a new height. He couldn't back down from this. He couldn't desert a friend. He had to make her see reason.

"Do what! I honestly don't care if you see her, because I trust you with all my heart and my soul. But the world, particularly the press, is not that forgiving. The minute they see you with a call girl, you'll be tabloid fodder. The press will hound you, and then they'll discover me. And then it'll escalate. You can't see her."

"No one knows she's a call girl, Mallory. It'll be just me and a friend dining. Nothing will happen. I promise you." He held out his hand, begging she'd take it. His wish was granted as her slender fingers wrapped around his.

"Promise?"

"I promise." He leaned over and kissed the top of her forehead. She looked back at him, and he melted as a smile lit her delicate features.

"I love you, Skipper."

"I love you, too." He sighed inwardly as they had conquered yet another hurdle. A sinking feeling invaded his stomach despite this. It puzzled him. Just then, she squeezed his hand.

"You have to get to work. You'll be late." His eyes wandered to the clock as he realized the truth of her statement. He began to rush around their house, and tripped over her slippers on his way out the door. Her golden laughter echoed in his head as he jogged out to the jeep and prepared his descent to work. The only damper on his mood was the sinking feeling that remained in his stomach. Things were fine with him and Mallory, there wasn't anything that should cause problems at work, and he'd get to congratulate Laurie. He told himself everything would be fine. There was nothing that could spoil this day.

The Next Evening

He pulled the Jeep to the curb. He sat there staring at his hands, wondering what to say to her. He should have told her when he heard a camera click, should have told her that he saw a flash out of the corner of his eye. He didn't think it was anything. He couldn't let himself think it was anything. He couldn't tell Mal he had broken a promise, couldn't tell himself he had broken a promise. The lights were on in the house. He knew she was there, and he knew that she knew. He couldn't hide any longer. He had to deal with this. He willed himself to exit the vehicle and enter his home.

She was waiting for him. She had pulled a chair over next to the door. She didn't look up as he entered, just handed him a piece of paper. The picture.

"They hung it in the teacher's lounge, because they thought I'd find it funny that the golden boy of my father's staff was caught with a prostitute. They told me how smart I was for realizing how awful you were after the opera. All day, they made jokes about Sam Seaborn and his special friend. And I stood there, pretending that I thought they were funny, and trying to ignore how my heart was breaking in two."

"Mal, I'm..."

"You promised," she stated bitterly. "You promised, and I trusted you."

"But..." He wanted to say so many things to her, if only she'd look at him. Her eyes stared at the silver ring upon her finger, never once acknowledging his presence.

"I need a couple days, to sort things out. To sort us out. I packed you a suitcase. I don't care where you go."

"Mallory, don't do this. You're not thinking clearly."

"I'm not thinking clearly? No, Sam. You see, I wasn't thinking clearly when I believed that just because you made me a promise that everything would be fine. I'm thinking perfectly clearly now. Go." Silently, she held out the ring.

"Please...." his voice choked up. She walked up to him, placed the ring in his hand and closed his fingers around it. She looked into his eyes, and he could see that she had yet to cry.

"Go." Her words were spoken softly, but were final. Without a word, he picked up the suitcase that she had packed and walked out the door.

Only then did she allow herself to break down in tears.

. 


	3. Conversations

The water kettle began to whistle, and he grumbled as he made his way towards the kitchen. He hastily poured the water into the small cup of instant soup as the doorbell rang. The kettle slipped and boiling water poured onto his finger, causing him to cuss loudly as she set down his dinner and headed for the door. He was shocked to see Sam, holding a suitcase.

"I need to stay with you for a few days."

"Nice, Sam. No 'Hello, Josh. Lovely to see you.'" He grinned at his friend, who didn't return the gesture.

"I wouldn't say that. Can I?"

"Yeah." He shrugged and moved aside, letting Sam set down his things. "Did you eat dinner yet?" 

"No. I don't want anything."

"Good. I'm on my last cup of Ramen noodles." He began to head back towards the kitchen when he realized his stupidity. "Hey, Sam? Why are you here?" His friend gave no response, and he tried again. "Is your house being fumigated or something?"

"She kicked me out." It took a moment for the words to register in his brain.

"She? You have a girlfriend, Sam? I didn't know this."

"No one knew. We thought it best not to tell anyone."

"Not even me? Sam, I'm your best friend. I've told you everything. I even told you about my crush on Donna." 

"Like I said, we didn't tell anyone." Sam looked him in the eye. "Especially you. You would have let it slip in front of her father."

"Her father....who........Mallory?" Sam gave a small nod. "You're dating Mallory?"

"I'm living with Mallory. She kicked me out. The picture." 

"You didn't tell her."

"No, I did. She knew we were going out to lunch. I promised her everything would be fine. And it wasn't. She gave me back her ring. I mean, it.....I....I need her, Josh. How could I have thought things would be fine? How could I screw this up?"

"You should know better than to ask me." Sam gave a smile for the first time, then slumped back on the couch.

"Yeah."

"Mal just has a temper. She'll settle down, you'll call, you'll talk, the picture will blow over and everything will be fine."

"Yeah. Thanks." 

"No problem." He headed back towards the kitchen, trying to comprehend all the information that had just been thrown at him. He'd get all the details later, when Sam was up to it. He picked up the Styrofoam container of soup and balked at its coldness. "Hey. I'm gonna order a pizza. Will you eat some?"

"I guess."

"Everything will be fine, Sam."

"It'll have to be. I don't have a choice." He sighed at the response, then made his way towards the phone.

Two Days Later

"Mallory O'Brien."

"Mal. You answered the phone." 

"Yeah." She sighed. She was still angry, but she couldn't ignore him any longer.

"Did you get my messages?"

She gave a quick laugh. "Yeah. All fifty of them. You're awful persistent, Skipper."

"So do you agree?" 

"I don't want to do this over the phone. I want to meet with you face to face." She didn't want to give in yet. As soon as she heard the first message she was tempted to run back into his arms, but reason kept her rational.

"Sure. I have this thing tonight over at the Newseum, but after that I'm free. I can come over right after."

"What time?"

"Depends. It'll be on CNN, so if you watch, expect me half an hour after it's over." 

"Ok. Listen, Sam. You know that I'm still angry. I just want to see you before I make up my mind about anything. I need to know...." She didn't know what she needed to know. She just knew that she needed him. 

"Know what? You know that I love you and will do anything for you, Mal."

"But you didn't. You saw her anyways, and you broke the promise...." The anger shone through despite her attempts to keep it back.

"Not now. Later. Face to face." .

She gave a loud sigh. "Later."

"I can't wait to see you."

"Sam, please." She couldn't fall for him just yet. Just a few hours, she told herself.

"I miss you."

"I know. I'll see you tonight. Goodbye." She ended the conversation abruptly, then stared at her phone for the next five minutes, debating on whether or not she should call him. She told herself it was smarter to wait until she saw him again to decide, although her mind was made up. She told herself making him squirm would only help in the future.

If only she had known what the future would hold.


	4. The Splendor Falls

The Splendor Falls

He sighed. It felt like the day was never going to end. The entire White House was preparing for the President's speech at the Newseum that night. After getting the schedule cleared, he had spent half an hour explaining to Donna why a canopy was not necessary. He was about to sneak away to the Mess for lunch when he ran into Sam.

"I got through. We talked." Sam gave him a huge grin. "I won't see you after the speech." 

"So that means you're going over there tonight?" He was glad Mallory had called him back. Sam had been leaving messages every twenty minutes.

"Yeah. She agreed to meet with me. I know it's going to be fine, Josh. After tonight, everything will be perfect again." He gave Sam a pat on the back.

"Thank god. I can't wait to get you out of my house."

3 Hours Later

They exited the Newseum, and he looked around behind his back for Josh. He wished there was someone else he could talk to about this. Half an hour, and he would be with Mallory, and this time he would be certain never to screw up again. He couldn't wait. 

CJ stood beside him and they had light conversation, but he was too fixated on his plans to engage in a serious discussion. They were practically at the car when everything changed.

He heard someone scream 'Gun!'. Shots rang out, and he glanced at CJ, who seemed frozen in her spot. She'd be an open target for someone, and he couldn't let that happen. He ran over and pushed her down, landing heavily on top of her. He stayed down until they ceased fire, wondering whether he had hurt her or not. He tried to push himself up, but felt an odd burning sensation in his chest and stomach. He wondered what it could be. CJ began to shift underneath him, and gently pushed him aside.

"Sam? Sam, are you alright?"

"I...I'm okay, CJ. I think I fell too hard." She didn't reply to him. She just stared, moving her lips and not making a sound. Then she dropped to her knees beside him and began to press down hard on his chest with her hands.

"That hurts. Don't do that, CJ. That hurts." She ignored him.

"Somebody!! I need some help over here!!" Her voice broke as a Secret Service agent ran over. The man sat beside her and began to press on his stomach.

"I really wish you guys wouldn't do that, it makes me feel funny. I don't like it."

"Sam, just calm down and look at me. Look at me, alright?" He gave her a small nod, hoping it would appease her and that she would stop pressing down on his chest.

"Princeton is down. I repeat, Princeton is down. Get an ambulance over here ASAP......I don't care, get them here fast. It looks pretty bad." Princeton. He knew that was someone's secret service name, but he couldn't remember whose. He hoped it wasn't Leo: Mallory would be really upset. Mallory....

"You guys should let me up. I have to be somewhere in half an hour."

"You'll be fine, Sam. Stay still. You have to trust me, ok? Just stay still and look at me." 

"I'm just a little cold. I have to go."

"What's going on? Oh Jesus. Sam?" He heard a familiar voice above him. Josh. It had to be Josh. And he knew about Mallory. He could tell her that he was going to be late, since CJ and the agent wouldn't let him up.

"Josh. I have to talk to you." Josh knelt beside Sam. "CJ, you can't be here, cause I have to talk to Josh."

"I can't leave, Sam. I have to......"

"I'll do it, CJ. You need a break." He didn't care what they were talking about. She couldn't hear what he was about to say. She reluctantly moved away to let Josh apply pressure. He was stronger than she was, and he felt worse than before. He wanted to take a nap, go to sleep. But he had to make sure Mallory was taken care of first.

"I need you to tell her that I'll be late tonight. Give her the ring, so she knows it's ok and that I'll be there, ok? You have to tell her I'll be late." He reached into his pocket, which took more effort than it normally did, and extracted the ring. Josh accepted it and put it in his own pocket.

"You can do that later, alright Buddy?" He was too busy staring at his hand. He didn't remember it being red. He didn't know why it was.

"My hand is red. Why is my hand red? Is it cold? I'm cold, Josh."

"You're hurt, Sam. But you'll be fine. Don't worry."

"I'm tired and I feel funny. I want to see her. But I'm cold." He tried to take a deep breath, but couldn't. It hurt, and he began short gasps. 

"No, Sam. You have to stay awake. Keep looking at me, ok?"

"You'll tell her where I am, alright?...... Tell her it's ....it's just a little nap." He figured she would understand. Mallory knew he never slept, she might even be happy. He was cold, and tired, and his chest felt tight. "Hey Josh...do you have cough syrup. My chest hurts."

"I don't have any right now. There are people coming to help you. They'll give you some if you stay awake, alright Sam?"

"Yeah." He tried to adjust his postition, but Josh wouldn't budge. He decided that he'd just go to sleep. The pain would go away then.

"Sam? Sam, stay with me. Do not fall asleep. The paramedics are here, ok? Just stay awake."

"Mr. Seaborn? Mr. Seaborn, can you hear me?  
"....sorry..." he mumbled. 

Then his world went dark. 


End file.
